Second Semester

Tomorrow morning I start my second term at seminary. It is honestly hard to believe that it has been that long (and that my son is almost 18 months old, how’d that happen??). When God called us out of our comfortable lives back in New Mexico and moved us to Ohio we knew we were in for an adventure but I don’t think we expected this.

My first term did not go anywhere near as expected. Coming here I worried about classes, finances, and the logistics of moving my family into campus housing less then half the size of wonderful home we were leaving. Could a guy who didn’t enjoy being a student six years ago when he finished undergrad succeed in grad school? Was I being unfair to my son taking away his room to play and for toys, and could my wife and I survive our new lower economic status? All along the way we wondered and worried and all along the way God provided for us in ways we never expected. Little miracles almost daily that saved us and uplifted up.

Two months in we were finally getting comfortable. We saw all the problems being smoothed out and the path being leveled before us. We finally began to accept that this is where God wanted us and that he had made provision. Then, Tuesday of break week, the call came.

Brian had been my best friend since the first day of undergrad. In fact more so, he was a brother. We had been together all through school and worked for the same firm the first year after. He moved to Arizona eight months after we moved to New Mexico and six months after that had a son named Trevor. I visited him often and at our first meeting I claimed Trevor as mine, he was just to perfect. I told his parents that, like it or not, I was going to be his Godfather and he would be my Godson. Brian called me that morning to tell me Trevor was in the hospital and he had Leukemia.

I went to be with them the next week and stayed with them for six days. I then rode the rollercoaster with them from home over email and daily phone calls. Trevor got better and then worse. In December we started to see signs of hope and the doctors began to talk about transplant centers and permanent remission, but it was not to be. On December 13th at 2:30 am, the Wednesday of finals week, after a major relapse caused irreversible heart damage his parents turned of the machines keeping him alive. I got on a plane that morning and was there by 5pm.

All the while this was happening another friend, my son’s Godfather, Jim had been fighting pancreatic cancer. The Monday before Trevor died he was put into hospice care and passed away three days later. My family and I spent that week driving around the southwest, between Phoenix and Albuquerque, attending to everyone that needed us. We got home on the 23rd to a tough and introspective Christmas.

I will admit I argue with God sometimes about all this. How does a good God allow it? What are we supposed to do about it? Why did you send me so far away from those I love when they needed me (and I them)?

There are no easy answers except to say that we grieve with hope, and we hope because we serve a risen Lord. I doubt I will ever understand why a four year old was taken from his parents, but I have seen the pain it causes and because of that I am compelled to make sure no other parents must lose their children if can be stopped.

So, as I sit hear now wondering about everything that can and will be done this semester I pray that God will prepare me for whatever may come and bring me opportunities to live out the hope he instills in us all.