Food for me, or God?

I have struggled with my weight for many years. Although struggle may not be the best term. I've told be people often that I'm the same weight now that I was 12 years ago. I personally think that if I were truly struggling, in the physical since, with my weight it would be reasonable to think it may have changed some during that time. However, it has not.

I went though high school, college, getting married, and being diagnosed diabetic with no real change in my weight. However, I still feel there has been some sort of struggle. And, as it turns out, after much reflecting, there really was some.

My personal struggle wasn't physical, but spiritual. Let me say right now that I do mean spiritual, not emotional or psychological. The issue I had, and continue to have, rests solely with the relationship between myself and God.

I think it's best to get right to the nuts and bolts of my theory. Quite simple, my weight problem, and other peoples too I'd suspect, is rooted in the poor state of my relationship with God. I put forth that the two are linked in such a strong way that most of us find it impossible to fix one with out the other.

By now I'd say most everyone walking this planet, and blessed to live in a place with plenty to eat, knows the physical remedy for being over weight, eat less and exercise more. Every diet that can claim any real success boils down to this. I personally don't know of any diet that says someone can eat whatever they choose, in whatever quantity, and still lose weight. Nor do I know of any diet that claims one can sit around, immobile, all day and still lose weight.

So if the mechanics are so simple, and we have literally hundreds of different schemes available to us to make the mechanics real, then why are so many of us struggling? This is the question my wife and I were asking ourselves. Why is this time, this plan, this decision going to be any different that the rest (that predictably ended in failure)?

Both my wife and I shared stories with each other about the captivation we had with food. It was a physical need for both of us. It wasn't that the cookie was really all that tasty, instead it was the wonderful sensation of getting your fix, and much like any substance abuser would have. It was a whole body feeling, and indulgence feeling.

After some hard thinking and praying God gave me a revelation I thought might be the answer. It really boils down to a couple of key things. First, I do not fully trust God. I don’t fully trust in his plan for me and that if I would simply follow him everything would work out as it should. Because of this lack of trust I also find it hard to take joy in him. No one offers greater joy than God, but if you’re not open to him, trusting of him, how are you to receive it? The second thing I realized is that people are designed to experience joy. We need it. It’s part of us, as essential as food, water, and shelter. A life without it really isn’t worth living don’t you think?

So, if the best joy comes from God, and to really experience that joy you must trust in God, what is a person untrusting in God to do? For most of us it seems we replace it with something else, something of the world. For me, that is food (primarily anyway).

This all probably all falls under the category of Things I Never Wanted to Know. It would be much easier for me to just be over-weight and stroll through life with the peace of mind that I really don’t need to impress anyone physically, I am married already after all, and just not think about it to much. Unfortunately, or, depending on your perspective fortunately, I have certain health issues that won’t allow me to do that.

So where dose this all leave me, us? Those that know me know I hate it when someone lays out a problem then doesn’t follow it with any attempt at a solution. In this case I think it’s up to the individual to decide what is best for them, but here’s what I’m starting with.

I plan to start praying before I eat. Some of you may already do this and wonder how it could help. Well, I’m going to try to stay away from the simple “Yay God…” type prayer. I plan to pray like “Dear heavenly father, may the food I eat today not be rooted in pleasures of the world, but may it instead please you. May it not harm it, but nourish my body, the gift that you gave me.” I think prayer is one of the most valuable tools man has to draw close to God.

I can’t say I know where all if this will go. I’m not sure if knowing what I know now will make things easier or harder for me. It has definitely made it harder to shirk responsibility for it all. All I can do, is what I’ve failed to do well up till now. That is, trust in God. Trust that his grace is sufficient and through him man can be made whole, and reconciled.